No More Diapers... Ever

Some of you may think I'm a little strange for using cloth diapers with Moses. Why would anyone go through the hassle of washing diapers and *gag* rinsing poop off them when you could just toss it? Well I won't get into all me reasons for CD'ing here (I'll save that for another post.) I just wanted to point out that I'm not as far on the fringe as I could be.

Some families are using NO DIAPERS at all. And no, they don't just let the baby pee and poop all over the floor. They are so in tune with their baby's signals that they know when he needs to go and they take him to the toilet and there he goes. This is true. It's called Elimination Communication, or EC. In less industrialized countries where parent's can't afford diapers, it's common practice today. And EC is actually a modern adaptation of an ancient childcare practice that has been used for centuries. Mothers all over the world traditionally carried their babies next to their bodies throughout the day, usually naked, (even Inuits kept their babies naked under the mother's parka) and slept close to them at night. Because of this closeness day in and day out, mothers would easily observe the signs that baby had to "go" and take them to the appropriate place to do their business. It seems a bit primitive, but recently EC has been catching on in the U.S. and other developed countries.

How does Elimination Communication work, exactly? Here's some tips from DiaperFreeBaby:

Observation is the first step in EC. While observing, there are a few things to look for. One is timing patterns and rhythms. Many babies need to pee either immediately or a few minutes after waking up, several minutes after nursing, at frequent, regular periods in the morning, at less frequent, regular periods in the afternoon, either before, during or after nursing sessions at night.

Other things to look for are body language and signals. These could include squirming, "fussing," vocalizing, frowning or having a look of "inner concentration", becoming still and pausing in activity, stirring or waking from sleep, looking intently or reaching for you, reaching for the potty, or indicating towards the toilet place.

For an older baby, signals could also include crawling or walking to the toilet place.

When you think your baby needs to eliminate, hold her in a gentle and secure manner over your preferred receptacle. This could be the toilet, sink, potty, bucket, diaper, tree, or any other appropriate place. Generally, she will be more or less in a deep squat, cradled in your arms with her back to your tummy. The main thing is to keep her secure and to think about your aim ;).

Once your baby is comfortably in position, make a specific cueing sound to "invite" your baby to pee or poop. In most places where EC is practiced culturally, caregivers use a watery sound such as "psss". This sound, along with a particular position, is used to signal or stimulate the baby's elimination. When you are starting out, make your cueing sound every time you notice your baby peeing. Within a few days, your baby will associate the sound with the act of eliminating. By practicing EC consistently, your baby will learn to release her bladder at will upon hearing the cueing sound and/or being held in the potty position.

From this point on, a strong line of communication about elimination will establish itself between baby and caregiver. Continue to observe your baby's timing and signals and to listen to your intuition. When you think it is time, hold her in position and give your cueing sound. If it is near time to go, your baby will do so at your cue. If not, she will signal "no" by resisting being held in position, arching her back, or simply not peeing. Never try to force your baby to eliminate. Just go back to whatever you were doing and offer another pee opportunity later. If your diapered baby has wet or soiled herself, simply replace the diaper with a clean one as soon as you notice. This will help your baby learn to keep herself dry by signaling her needs to you beforehand.

Some parents choose to go diaperless full-time right from the start. Others will start gradually, offering pee opportunities just at certain times throughout the day or part of the day. Many parents practice EC full-time but use diapers as back-up, simply removing them to offer a pee if the diaper is dry, or changing it if it is wet. Remember that there are many ways to begin putting EC into practice. The way you choose will depend on your lifestyle, personality, and personal preference.

Here's what one proponent had to say:

Dr. Mark Wolraich, professor of pediatrics and director of the Child Study Center, said the practice essentially conditions young children to go to the bathroom at predictable times or show clear signs when they must go.

"To be truly toilet-trained, the child has to be able to have the sensation that they need to go, be able to interpret that sensation and be able to then tell the parent and take some action," said Wolraich, who is also editor of the American Academy of Pediatrics' book on toilet training.

"And that's different from reading the subtle signs that the child is making when they have to go to the bathroom."

Parents attempt the early training to forge closer ties with their infants, to reduce the environmental impact associated with diapers and to avoid skin irritation caused by a wet diaper, Parise said.

From the article "Parents begin potty training at birth"



Well, I don't think I'm ready to go diaperless yet, but I do see many benefits from doing away with diapers! (See "75 Benefits of Elimination Communication"). Especially appealing is the intimacy and attentiveness a parent would have to have with their child. So often I find myself distracted and not even tuned in to my child's really obvious signals, much less his subtle ones. Learning to pay close attention and understanding my child's needs better is certainly a valid goal. So who knows. Maybe we'll go even further off the deep end and go daiperless with our next baby!

Twenty-Eight Candles

Yes, today is my 28th birthday. As I inch closer to 30, I'm feeling more and more... unconcerned about turning 30. Hopefully I'll just be that much wiser than I am now.

I think my kids growing older is harder to handle than my own aging. Both Grace and Moses are displaying (in different, age-appropriate ways) moments of independence that make me realize they won't be under my care forever. I feel the pressure to assure them of my love for them, my confidence in them and my heartfelt fascination in who they are, while they are still young enough to soak it in and believe it. I want to ask my kids (okay just Grace at this point) "what's it like to be you?" and for her to know that her answer is remarkably significant to me.

Anyway, my birthday... for some reason Grace and Richard couldn't wait until today to give me their presents, so we had a little celebration last night. Grace (and Moses) got me a beautiful beeswax candle shaped like a bee on a honeycomb. They know I have this thing for bees. And Richard got me a gift card to Peapods, my most favoritest natural baby care and toy store in St. Paul. It was the perfect gift! What intuition my husband has, what an innate understanding of what his dear wife would love... what good sense to get her exactly what she told him to get her. So now I have a nice chunk of money to go spend exactly as my heart desires on all the baby things I really "need." Maybe that beautiful Hotsling pouch I've had my eye on. Maybe these really cool BumGenius diapers that would make cloth diapering just that much easier. Or perhaps some of my favorite Burt's Bees products. Well, anyway, it's a great present and I'll enjoy my little shopping outing this weekend. Thank you, Family!! I love you guys.

Feeling the Butterfly

Today was a beautiful day. Sitting at the computer, I felt clearly the light tickling of the baby kicking around in my womb for the first time. It's strange to think that the baby was probably moving around like a little jumping bean, but to me it was just a gentle sensation.

The moment of "quickening" is momentous in a women's pregnancy. In that moment you know - you know - there's really a baby there. It certainly doesn't sink in as soon as you see the positive pregnancy test. Feeling pregnant in that first trimester doesn't necessarily make the baby itself feel real. Even getting an early ultrasound done, where you can see your baby before you have felt your baby, doesn't make it real in the same way. Maybe it's the Doubting Thomas in all of us, that just seeing something doesn't convince us. But when we feel it - when our flesh touches another - that's real.

This is an excerpt from the book Midwives by Chris Bohjalian.

"Birth is a big miracle foreshadowed by lots of little ones. Conception. Little limbs. Lanugo. A fingerprint, hard bones. The quickening. The turning. The decent.

I will never forget the moment of quickening with Connie. She was thirteen or fourteen weeks old. I was bundled up in this monster sweater that hung down to my knees. Lacey Woods had brought it back from somewhere in Central America, and it had this vaguely Aztec eagle on the back. It was beautiful, and so heavy that it kept me warm even outside on the sort of cold December day on which Connie had made herself known.

I was sitting on one of the tremendous rocks in Mom and Dad's backyard, one of the ones that faced the ski resort on Mount Republic. I hadn't climbed those rocks since I was in high school, and sitting there made me feel like a very little girl. And then, suddenly, I felt this tiny flutter a bit below my belly button. A tadpole flicking it's tail. A ripple, a wave. Instantly that image of the tadpole - an image I'd probably pulled from some high school biology textbook - changed to that of a newborn baby. I knew my baby at that moment looked nothing at all like a newborn, but that was what I pretended was fluttering inside me. A psychedelic little person doing the breaststroke in a lava lamp. A bubble bouncing euphorically, but in slow motion, around in my tummy. I saw a newborn's pudgy fingers flicking amniotic fluid with a whoosh, I saw little feet smaller than baking potatoes gently splashing my own water against me, and I wrapped my arms around me and hugged my baby through my belly.

Oh my God, was I happy. I remember I just sat on that rock grooving on the little person - my little person - inside me. Of all the little miracles that build to that big one, the birth itself, my favorite must be the moment of quickening. All these emotions and expectations and dreams for your baby just roll over you like so much surf.

And quickening really is the perfect word to describe it, because your heart races, and the pace of the pregnancy just takes off.

Some mothers experience the quickening as early as twelve weeks, others much further along. Sixteen weeks is common in my experience, but some women don't feel it until they're a good eighteen weeks. It really doesn't matter, except that those women who have to wait have to worry. It's inevitable, a mother can't help it. You want to feel your friend, you want to know he or she's there.

Of course, there may be one nice thing that comes with a later quickening. After all that anxiety, the high must be amazing when it finally arrives. Absolutely, unbelievably, outrageously amazing."

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Today is also my dear mother's birthday. Can you believe this woman is 50?! I've jokingly referred to her as my older sister because of how many times I get asked that. Once I was out shopping with her a month or so after Grace was born. She was holding Grace while I browsed, and someone came up to her and said, "Wow, you look GREAT for having just had that baby!" She said, "Thanks."

But really, she does have many other excellent qualities besides being beautiful. When I'm feeling worn out by my kids, I often think about how much she gave of herself every day to make us feel like we were the most important thing to her. She would stop making dinner to come watch us put on plays, she would allow us "help" her with projects and not tell us we were wrecking it, she would let us use whole rolls of tinfoil to make ourselves into knights in shining armor. I want my kids to know, as I knew growing up, that they are the most important things in my life, second only to Jesus and Papa. They come before a clean house or peace & quiet or my hobbies or my favorite tv show or my friends or time to myself. All those things were important to my mom (except tv, thank goodness), but I never felt that she cared more about those things than about me. And that's the kind of mom I want to be, too.

Happy Birthday, Mom!

The Two-Year Anniversary of Matthias' Birth

Today I want to celebrate life. I want to remember Matthias' life and be glad for it. Tomorrow I will remember death, but today I want to remember life. I am happy that Matthias lived. I am happy that he is alive now! I am so thankful that God made him to be my child. Thank You, Lord, for the precious life of Matthias Paul Mailly.

Tonight at dinner we set a place for Matthias and had a special birthday meal. I know we all felt his loss as we imagined a two-year-old boy sitting next to Grace, eating pesto and chicken, making messes and being adorable. When Richard prayed for our meal, he cried as he told the Lord how much we long to be where Matthias is, and how much we miss him.

I feel Matthias' absence to varying degrees each day. Today it was very real, very acute. There is a little 2-year-old who is not with us. Or maybe the real pain is that we are not with him.


We love you, Matthias. We remember you. You are precious to us.

This is What it Means to be Held

Tomorrow is my sweet baby Matthias' second birthday. Although it has been two years since I have seen his face or touched his small body, he is exceedingly real and precious to me.

I read this article yesterday by a woman on the eve of her dead baby's 2nd birthday. She writes what I feel as well. That the death of her baby just before birth seemed an impossible thing to face. "Yet our journey continues two years later, and I am forever grateful for it." I long for my baby. I miss him. His death is still very painful. And at the same time I am grateful for what God did through his death. I know His love in a way I couldn't before, and I would never want to trade that. So here I am, stuck in a paradox.

This paragraph especially echoed my parting with the baby I had carried for nine months:

"I could never fully describe the feeling of watching my child leave me and knowing with great certainty that I would never see her again. I had a pain in my chest, an emptiness and hurt, that engulfed me. When Judy first began to take her away, with our permission, I felt my body begin to shake uncontrollably. I could not bear that this was the beginning of the rest of my life without Charlotte. I cried out—I needed her back—and Judy brought her to me. I buried my face in Charlotte's little chest and sobbed, telling her again and again how much I loved her. Every ounce of my being longed to keep her, to mother her, to love her here on earth. But I could not."

Letting him go was the hardest thing I have ever done. I am able now to be comforted by the words of C.S. Lewis, that Christians never really say goodbye. But I wasn't able to be comforted by that then. I was so completely broken-hearted that I didn't know I was being held.

Moses Eats Peaches

Is this boy cute or what?!

My Gold Star for the Day

Yesterday when the vacuum cleaner broke yet again, I found myself struggling to fix it with a screwdriver and a kitchen knife. Covered in grime and sweat, I tried to figure out what was causing the foul-smelling smoke to billow out of this stupid machine.

Grace was watching me and finally came over to offer some encouragement.

"Mom, I love how you are such a hard worker. You never give up. In fact, you are successful and good-natured." Her actual words. Talk about affirmation in the workplace!

Here's a great article from Pastor John that has been a huge encouragement to me as a go about my day, trying to fix appliances, doing laundry and dishes, playing with and teaching the kids... I want to be the kind of woman that he's challenging me to be.


p.s. - My sweet new Bissell Lift-Off Revolution Pet Vac. It's so awesome.

Moses Turns One!

Our baby turned one on June 25th, 2007! We had family over on the 24th for a small celebration of Moses' first year of life. He showed off his many skills for the enthralled audience, including his incredible overhand ball throwing ability (watch out when he gets a hold of a golf ball!), his precocious verbal skills (i.e. one word - "gee", which means "Sissy," "puppy" and "ball", respectively), and his almost unbelievable ability to be cute. He even decided grace us with his first steps in honor of the occasion. Everyone was duly impressed.


Moses Enjoying His Cake


We are so thankful to the Lord for blessing us with this sweet boy. His work is truly incredible! Our lives are so enriched because of our beautiful children, and we find ourselves saying daily, "Aren't they amazing?!" Moses has brought so much joy and laughter with him. Richard, Grace and I all look forward to seeing his precious face each morning and hearing his sweet voice. Thank you, Lord, for our beautiful boy Moses.

The other fun thing about Moses' birthday party was that we used it to announce our new baby. Moses' last present that he opened contained some cute t-shirts that looked like this:




Grandma Sue said, "Oh, that's cute! Big broth...AAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!" Definitely a successful way of conveying the news. It was really fun.

Another Mailly Baby on the Way!

Baby #4 is currently growing his or her way from a zygote to a blastocyst to an embryo to a fetus. (We watched a cool PBS special called "Life's Greatest Miracle". I'm not remembering all that from my high school biology class.) The Lord is an incredible craftsman. This baby has already undergone its most profound and dramatic development in only 13 weeks of life. All his or her internal organs and limbs are fully developed. Complex brain circuitry is up and running. Eyelids, fingernails and toenails, tooth buds, vocal chords, and that adorable little face have all formed from what was a tiny cluster of living cells just weeks ago. Life is truly amazing, and the One who gives it even more so. Praise the Lord, Who makes us in fearful and wonderful ways.


A 13 week old baby. Although I'm sure ours is MUCH cuter.

Chris and Stephanie's Wedding

My beloved sister Stephanie was married to the love of her life on June 2nd, 2007. It was a beautiful, joyful wedding in scenic Stillwater Minnesota on a balmy morning. It was a day filled with laughter, excitement, joy, solemnity, tears and beauty which I will long remember. Steph and Chris now live in Dallas, TX, where Chris is finishing his schooling at UD.


I do miss having her nearby. I would love it if she lived here so we could hang out, have coffee, talk about the challenges of sharing a bathroom with a man... But I'm glad she's enjoying making her own home with her husband, and I know their wedding was a beautiful beginning to a wonderful life together.